To Every Thing There is a Season
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
My family, close friends, and church family know about this season of life I am going through, but I wanted to share with the rest of my friends. It was hard at first to tell people because you really don’t know what you will face when you are diagnosed with cancer. So I know to some of you, this is a surprise or you had no clue. Well, that is because I have not given any clues, only answering occasional comments made on Facebook when asked by those who have heard.
Cancer is a word we hope does not find its way into our regular vocabulary, and yet this word has touched all our lives to some degree whether it has been a friend, spouse, parent, some other loved one, or even oneself.
Its dictionary definition cannot encompass all it represents with the feelings of fear, sadness, pain, loneliness, loss, and more.
Having had my first melanoma at the age of 22 and having four more removed since, I reasoned this was “my” cancer. For the last 15+ years I have been checked every three months and all the ones that have been found were caught early. I felt I was in charge of “my” cancer. I was wrong.
Another twenty-two years went by to be diagnosed with stage three rectal cancer. After experiencing symptoms longer than I should, a colonoscopy was scheduled for September 13, 2021.
On the day of the procedure, I haphazardly slid into my hospital gown and laid back on the bed in my little curtained room at the surgery center. The sounds of other patients coming in and getting prepared for their own procedures filtered around me.
Thinking about what they were facing, I prayed, “Lord, I know someone in this room is probably not going to get good news today. Give them Your peace and comfort. Make Yourself real in their life.” Little did I know I was praying for myself.
When I awoke, I saw Wade sitting beside me. A few minutes later my gastroenterologist came in and told me he promptly found a polyp too large to remove, but he made biopsies and was immediately referring me to consult with a surgeon. “Immediately” as in we left after my procedure and drove across the street to talk through the sigmoid colectomy surgery which was scheduled three days later.
About a week later I met with an oncologist to discuss my prescribed treatment plan and another week later I had port placement surgery. After healing for two more weeks, I started my first phase of treatments on October 18th. This first phase entailed daily radiation (Monday through Friday) and being hooked to a chemo pump that I wore 24/7 for six weeks. I slept with it, showered with it, etc.
I only made it five weeks on the chemo before they disconnected me because it was becoming too toxic for my body. That last week my body was in complete exhaustion; I shuffled when I walked from not having strength to lift my feet. The radiation treatments continued for a total of 28 sessions. Then I got a month break! 🙌🏼
The Monday after Christmas I started my second phase. This prescribed treatment plan (called FOLFOX) is for nine chemo treatments. I go in every other Monday for about a three-hour infusion and get connected to the chemo pump again but only for two days! No radiation, hallelujah! 😊 On Wednesday I go back in to get disconnected from the pump and usually on Thursday through Sunday I have crashed. I am no longer taking steroids and my body is just tired.
One of the drugs I’m currently getting has been called the most neurotoxic chemotherapy drugs. I can tell. The side effects are not fun, but usually by Monday evening of the following week, I start to feel myself again. Feeling myself is great! I did not feel this at all during the first phase of treatments because of the constant fatigue. I feel good enough to do all the things that make me happy again. Usually, I overdo it! 🙄 However, getting these “good” weeks in between the “bad” weeks help me to keep going.
All of what you are reading (if you’ve made it this far!) is just matter-of-fact storytelling at best, but I also want share a little of how the Lord Jesus has carried me through this.
If anyone spends much time with me (or visits my house!), you will find I am very type A, likes-to-be-in-control, OCD tendencies….all those things. I know the Lord has been working on me in the last few years with that control and how it takes over my life.
When I was given this diagnosis, I knew I could not carry this burden on my own. In fact, I did NOT want to carry it at all. I had to release control. It is like I could visually see myself handing it over to the Lord and quickly putting my hands behind my back to not let myself snatch it back.
That’s what we all like to do, isn’t it? We think we give something over to the Lord, then the worry and fear and doubt creeps in. We’re human. It happens. But because I completely surrendered this to Him, I have not had fear or worry during this.
I received even MORE prayers from others all over the country. 💗
THANK YOU!
That peace that passes all understanding I found through my prayer in September has remained with me (Philippians 4:7). This is not because of something I did, but because of the Lord. I will quickly admit to anyone I have had moments of tears of frustration and self-pity, but never have I questioned God. I have told Wade one too many times that I am “tired of being tired,” but most days I hang on to faith in the Lord, knowing He WILL heal me. I will see the end of this season.
This is just a season. That is what I call it. There will be an ending of this season and the beginning of a new one very soon. This is supposed to be only six months of my life. I know people (and you may be one of them!) who live with something such as a chronic illness where you live in pain for years. How can I justify fully throwing myself into an attitude of complete self-pity and despair and complain about what I am enduring?
“While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.”
Genesis 8:22
I can’t. Because while it has not been easy, I still have God. He ALWAYS keeps His promises. He has always been faithful to me, so I will continue to trust Him.
And another “always” thing – There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. There is. Even on my worse days, I would tell Wade (or someone else) something that I was thankful for. I knew it could always be worse, and it always can.
Whether we are facing cancer or divorce or the death of a loved one and life seems hopeless, it is not. There is always Hope.
I have been thinking about writing this for a couple of months, but just never could decide how much/little or what to share. Ultimately, I want to share my testimony – the goodness of God through this.
I have wondered over the years how I would handle it if I was given the scary “C” word diagnosis. Would I cling to my faith? Would I be strong enough? Well, I don’t have to be strong. God has given and continues to give me the grace I need through this just as He promised in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. My faith is not based on me, but based on Who it is placed in. You can do the same no matter what trial or suffering or heartbreak you are facing today. 💕
FAQ
{These are several frequently asked questions I’ve had over the last several months. I hope they help!}
“So you’re not going to lose your hair?” I know, it was one of my first questions for the oncologist as well. There are many different types of chemotherapy drugs, and they all have their own yucky side effects. For me, hair loss was not one of them. “Hair thinning” – yes, but I’ve been told only the patient can usually tell they have thinner hair. I can.
“What is your cancer survival rate?” The overall five-year survival rate for rectal cancer is 63%. This means that people who have rectal cancer are about 63% as likely to be alive in five years as people who don’t have rectal cancer if they follow the prescribed treatment plan. {cited here} I plan on living another 45 years…maybe. 🤔
“Do you really still have cancer since you had surgery to remove it?” The cancer had spread to two of the thirteen lymph nodes removed in surgery. There were more lymph nodes there, but the surgeon removed the recommended number for the surgery. Since they knew the cancer cells had already started migrating, there is no way to know how many or where. My chemo oncologist said it takes something like 5 million cancer cells to show up as the size of a pea in a scan….so we want to make sure we kill any there!
“When will you be done?” The complete plan is supposed to be six months of treatment. When I started this second phase, I told my oncologist that I wanted to feel well enough to attend my daughter’s college graduation in early May. He told me I could not take a break and resume afterwards, so I plan on being done in mid-April. If he decides I can resume treatments after we return, then I might. I say “might,” because I’m already looking forward to being done in mid-April. It will take some discipling of my mind to return back to it. We’ll see!
“How can I pray for you?” I do not want to go through this season and not grow – emotionally and ultimately, spiritually. I know the Lord has a plan and will for my life, and I want to obey and follow His leading whatever that looks like. This may sound like spiritual jargon to some, but if you know me well enough, you know I mean it. I am a “real” person – I am who I am in front of everyone. My crazy, dorky, likes-to-make-others laugh self and also the one who will automatically point out what is wrong with me. So I truly want to give God the glory through this and after this.
If there are any other things you may want to ask, please feel free to leave a comment below, and I’ll try to get back to you ASAP. 😊 AND if you have never experienced the peace I have, then please check out my “Free Gift” link above. It truly is free for you. 💓
48 Comments
Erica
So thankful to hear your testimony of God’s grace and help through this season. Definitely praying for you and thankful to know how to pray more specifically.
Leslie
Thank you, Erica! We talk about God’s grace and trusting Him, but sometimes we have things thrown at us that truly make us live it out. It has been amazing to experience His love and grace and strength and peace…all of those things. 💗
ebolticoff
Checking in for an update. Praying that you are healing well!
Leslie
I was just checking my spam folder today and saw your comment got dumped there. I’m doing well – dealing with some neuropathy pain and numbness to my elbows and knees, but I’m trusting the Lord for healing. I have another CT scan this week, and I hope to do a health update the following week. 😉 Thank you for checking, sweet lady!
ebolticoff
Looking forward to your updates! Thankful to hear you are doing well and will continue to pray for the lingering issues. Trusting Him with you. I did start blogging again, since I am no longer on social media, so I will only be keeping up here. Love you, friend!
Leslie
I will check your blog out! 💗
Tammie Canter Loyd
Leslie,
I have known you literally since the day you were born. (Tammie Canter) I just want you to know I have been praying for you since Lori told me the news and I will continue to do so on the daily. I love your testimony and your strength. Feel free at any time to text or call for anything even a prayer session would be great 🙏 anything I can do I will gladly. God is so good Leslie ❤️ I’m so sorry you are having to endure this pretty lady, but you just keep holding that hand that has brought you this far, He will never let go. Sending hugs, prayers and lots of love. If you need anything please please don’t hesitate to ask. Love you!
Leslie
Oh, Tammie, you are so sweet. I remember you! And your sisters! Good memories! Thank you for your kind, encouraging words and especially for those faithful prayers. I know its people like you who are helping me to find that strength and peace to have this testimony. 💗
Nancy Storie
Oh dear sweet Leslie, please know that we are praying for you. May you continue to grow in your faith and may God wrap his arms around you and Wade as you heal and live another 45 years.
Leslie
Thank you so much for your prayers. God is hearing so many that I know and don’t know pray for me. I know He will heal me!
Beth
Leslie, thank you for sharing. I admire your faith that gives you tremendous strength and peace. I will keep you in my prayers. Please know that I am here for you, and if there is anything that I can do at any time, I hope you will ask. Sending you lots of love, my friend.
Leslie
Beth, thank you for your prayers and love. They mean a lot. Maybe one day when I get through this we can meet for lunch! 💓
Sheila Ball
Thank you for sharing Leslie! I pray for you every day!! Sending hugs and Love your way. Sheila
Leslie
Sheila, thank you for those faithful prayers. They mean more than you know. Love you!
Joan Sells
Ever since I heard of your diagnosis I have prayed for you..every day and will always continue.
You may not know but I gave chemotherapy for years (and years), it became apparent very soon to me that those patients with the upbeat attitude (even if it was forced) always had the better outcome. That’s you, girlie. Stay strong.
Leslie
I do walk in each Monday of treatment with a positive attitude and smile under my mask. I realize others are facing harder battles than me, and I want to share the love and joy of the Lord. Your faithful prayers mean a lot! THANK YOU!
Angela Starnes McDaniel
I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but you are one of the sweetest, most faithful people I have known in life. It is inspiring to hear the tough and also the faith you still show. I’m sure the burden is heavy at times. I can see you have an amazing family and support. And He will carry you. Thank you for sharing your story❤ I will keep you in my prayers.
Leslie
Thank you so much for your prayers. They mean more than you know. God is good even when life is not!
Lara
Sweet friend! Praying for you as you walk this journey. Thank you for sharing your story and God’s faithfulness. We too are walking a similar journey with my Dad who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer and started radiation yesterday. We pray for God to work in and through him during this time. Sending you much love and hugs from us. Please keep us updated on your needs and how we can best pray.
Leslie
I’m sorry to hear this, Lara. I will add your Dad to my prayer list. The pelvic radiation he will go through (like me) is NOT easy. Love and prayers, my friend!
Karen Smith
https://youtu.be/z5ny9nYUB3s
The chorus reminds me of your journey. Thank you for sharing. We pray for you daily!
Leslie
Beautiful, Karen! I’m going to listen to it several times today. (By the way, I came across a Steve Pettit CD yesterday when cleaning out a drawer. lol) I’ve had “10,000 Years” stuck in my head for the last couple of days, and I am ready for a new song. Ha! Your faithful prayers mean so much. Love you, friend!
Pat Scalf
I am praying for you Leslie. As you know I had cancer and I had radiation. I was thankful not to have chemo as you were not to have radiation. Never for 1 second did cancer scare me. I had peace from the time I was told. The reason was because I knew cancer could not do to me what 19 years of excruciating, never ending pain, from rare conditions that have no cure, had done to my life. Had I not been a Christian, I would have prayed to die, because I thought these 2 conditions were going to take my life anyway. In a sense, they did destroy my life.
I have lived many years not being able to stand and not able to keep house. Unlike you, I have had little support from family, friends and only a few people from church where I attended over 40 years.
God has helped me through it all, even though I don’t understand people. I have been given 7 years to live and I don’t worry. I only want to forget the early resentment I had at first, knowing only a few understood my pain or cared. I want to please God! I want to leave a testimony to my son who is saved and to my family who are lost or out of the will of God.
Leslie
Our testimonies through trials is so important for others. It may be hard for us when we have questions, but I am thankful the Lord is giving you that peace and comfort. He is a good God! 💓
Val Crockett
There are so many things I love, admire, and respect about you! If I had to narrow the traits down, it would be your smile, your sense of humor, and your hair (vanity of vanities…) I should have put something spiritual there, but I’m being real. I thank God you have kept these three beautiful, lovely things about you, they are still there… ! Now, this goes without saying (yet I will anyway😉) your spirit radiates through all the pain, fear, and uncertainty you are experiencing. I know it is The Holy Spirit’s work in you that we see, His peace truly does surpass our understanding.
We are praying for you here in California and I can’t wait to see your smiling’ face in May! We pray for complete healing and recovery. We pray for deliverance from any doubt that threatens your peace. We pray for comfort, courage, and strength to enjoy Elizabeth’s graduation, all festivities, and most of all the wedding! God is so good and your daughter is such a blessing! Please let me know of anything you need beforehand and during your stay here. Hugs! Val Crockett
Leslie
You have me blushing across the country this morning, dear friend! 😉 Your words do warm my heart. I do want the Lord’s love and joy to shine through to others as I go through this. Your prayers mean so much as well as your love and care of my girl! 💖 I can’t wait to see all my LBC friends who feel like family (especially YOU!).
Kat Dornbirer
Thank you for sharing your story. We serve a great + mighty God who delights to take care of His children🙌🏻♥️Continuing to pray for you sweet friend🙏🏻
Leslie
I was praying for Dan last night when I woke and couldn’t sleep. I’m praying for a clean scan this week. I have been encouraged in your and Dan’s current season too – seeing that strong faith, strength, and comfort in the Lord. Thank you for your prayers! 😘
Machell Creighton
Precious Leslie, thank you for sharing. I know now how to pray for you! You are an inspiration to so many and myself!!! Please private message me your address so I may send you a card. Love you!
Leslie
Machell, I feel you are an inspiration too. When I got to meet you and heard some of the ways you have served the Lord and your family, I left thinking I needed to do MORE! God is so good to us and worth anything we can give and do for Him. I will email you my address, sweet friend! Love you! 💓
Robin Lambert
Praying for you and your family during this time of total dependence on God! My husband had rectal cancer back in 1989. It metastasized twice. In 1993, he was told “3 strikes and you are out”. In other words, there is nothing more that we can do for you. You have 2 years to live. But God! My husband will celebrate his 65th birthday this year! Only God can number our days. Take one day at a time or even one minute at a time knowing that your God has a perfect plan for your life. He will use you for His good and His glory! 💖💖💖
Leslie
BUT GOD! Always! Oh, I love reading this, Robin. It gives me chills! God will continue to give breath until He has another plan. Whether my healing is complete healing in heaven or physical healing here on earth, I will still trust Him. I believe He will heal me here because He continues to put burdens on my heart for others and for ways to serve. Thank you for taking the time to give me this sweet testimony! 💖
Margaret Tipton
LESLIE, I read your story and am amazed at the peace and comfort portrayed in the words throughout each paragraph. I can tell you are walking with God every step of your journey and there is no safer place for you to be! Our prayers will continue to be with you. We love you and your family dearly.
Leslie
Thank you for your prayers! Our family loves yours too! Mom told me what you are now facing, and I will be praying for you. I am thankful we have the Lord when we face the uncertainties of life. 💕
Stacy Bledsoe
Leslie, I’m so glad that you decided to share your testimony. When I chose to share throughout my cancer process, I did it because I figured it would just be easier for everyone to hear the facts from me along the way, but what I didn’t know was that God was going to use it for His good. I had so many people praying for me that got to rejoice with me when God worked His miracle. I never understood that He numbered our days until the end appeared closer at hand. I learned that in the hard times is when He grows me the most. Looking back, I wouldn’t trade that time in my life for anything in the world (not that I want to repeat it either). I pray that God will not only restore you to health but also will grow your faith more than you ever imagined. Praying!
Leslie
Thank you, Stacy! ❤️ The Lord has already grown me through this in so many ways. We never truly understand the power of things like faith and trust until it is all we have left to get through something. I want to continue to grow in Him as much as I can. I have seen my love for Him grow (as well as my love for my husband who has been an amazing caregiver and encourager!). God does not want us to go through things like this for nothing. Thank you for reading and commenting. 💓
Janelle
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I am praying for you my friend!🌿
Leslie
I appreciate those prayers, Janelle! 💓 Thank you!
Kathy Little
I’ve thought of you so often since this journey began, and I have continued to lift you up in prayer! And now, reading your blog as you’ve journaled the journey, we can all see so many of our prayers already being answered! And thus we PRAISE GOD for his faithfulness! May you continue to feel His mighty presence with you every step of the way….. your personal “Great Physician” overseeing your care as only He can!!
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13 ESV
Leslie
Oh, Kathy, SO MANY prayers have been answered along the way. I could have written a novella on all the details of this season with a whole chapter on that…from asking the Lord to give me a sweet nurse on the first day of treatment (and He did – MY FAVORITE one there!!) to simple things like seeing wildlife in my backyard (because the Lord knows that makes my heart so happy). His love for me has been shown daily, and I think it’s been there all along, but I have learned to see it clearly. I am thinking this is one of His lessons through this that I will take with me, and hopefully, share with others to learn to see life with “opened” eyes. I thank you for your prayers. You prayer warriors have been the ones that have kept the throne of God bombarded with requests for me to get through this with grace. Praise Him! ❤️❤️❤️
Jan
Thank you for sharing your story, I can hear in your words how much comfort the Lord gives you,I Pray for you daily,God will be with you through this cancer Journey and then a new season cancer free God Bless you Leslie. Sincerely Jan and Johnny Saylor
Leslie
Thank you for reading, Jan. I pray for you and Johnny regularly too. Our God is bigger than anything we can face in this life, and I am thankful we have Him to carry us through! 💗
Glenda Crowe
Leslie, several years ago when my faith was wavering I attended a Bible study in your home. I cannot tell you how those few weeks encouraged me. Now that I have crossed paths w you once again and read your testimony I am again encouraged. I lost my precious husband of 30 years in December. My heart is shattered, and although I am trying to move forward I am struggling. Thank you for the reminder that this is a season in my life. God is faithful and He is waiting in my tomorrow for me. You will continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing so openly and blessing us all.
Leslie
Oh, Glenda, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Kelsey told me just recently, and I have prayed for you. I do remember you! We prayed for you for another season of life. The good thing about seasons is that they do end. Just as we see winter leaving and spring starting to arrive right now, we can have that hope. I know with the loss of your precious husband it will be a long season that if we stick to the analogy may keep some of its unpleasantness, but I have complete faith that the Lord will carry you through. I am hoping to see you soon at church, dear lady! 💗 Thank you so much for the prayers.
Debbie Lynch
Leslie you have always been to me one of those people you just want to be around. I love your spirit, wonderful smile and laughter. There have been many of your post that have challenged me, and most definitely inspired me. This one is no different! Thank you for sharing! Prayers for you and your family. Love you!
Leslie
You are too kind, but I am thankful that my words have touched you in those ways. Every post has been overanalyzed and prayerfully written. lol Thank you for those prayers, Debbie! Love you and Paul too!
Debbie Corpening
Leslie, I am just floored!! I had no idea. My heart is heavy for what you are going through but so uplifted at the same time hearing your story, your honesty, and your faith. God is good and I cling to His promises for you. I love you dearly and will keep you in my prayers, Debbie
Leslie
Dear Debbie, I am sorry you didn’t know sooner. I really hadn’t shared it outside of church (and family). God IS good even when life is not. He always keeps His promises which I have held on to during this. I am almost through this season – only two more treatments! So excited! Thank you for those prayers, sweet friend. Love you!!