Parenting Adult Children: Trusting God in the Transition

This post was originally written for the Facebook group, “Encouragement From Women Who’ve Been There,” on March 12, 2025. Check it out HERE. Link to the EFW website

Parenting doesn’t end when our children become adults, but it does change. As Christian parents, our main goal is to raise godly, responsible adults who desire to know, love, and follow Jesus Christ – independent of us.

From the moment our children are conceived until our final breath, God calls us to trust Him with their lives. We spend years planting seeds of faith, values, and wisdom, and when they become adults, it is time to release them into His hands. They may struggle, but His love for them is greater than ours. Instead of worrying, we can pray. Instead of trying to control, we can offer support and encouragement. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

From Control to Influence
One of the biggest shifts in parenting adult children is moving from control to influence. I remember the last two years of high school for each of my children, frantically trying to impart all the knowledge and advice I thought I might have forgotten. I knew I would always be their mother, but I also recognized that the tide was shifting. Thankfully, when my children left for college, my husband and I continued to have an impact on their lives. The key? Maintaining a healthy relationship, which allows us to continue being a source of wisdom and encouragement.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

Letting go is hard. We worry about their choices, their faith, and their future, but God’s plan for them is greater than ours. He is always at work, even when we don’t see it. Our job is not to fix, but to be present with grace and patience – even when they make choices we wouldn’t.

Trusting God and Letting Go
As our children grow into adulthood, they must take responsibility for their own faith, decisions, and futures. Our role as parents shifts, requiring us to demonstrate grace, patience, and unconditional love. You will likely find yourself on your knees in prayer more than ever before. Releasing them into God’s hands will bring you peace, and your faith will grow in ways you never expected. Surrender your fears to Him instead of trying to control their choices (Philippians 4:6-7).

Guiding Principles for Parenting Adult Children
Here are a few principles that have helped my husband and me navigate this transition:
• Respect their independence while offering wisdom when asked. Avoid giving unsolicited advice unless they seek it. (James 1:5)
• Lead by example rather than by force. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a Christ-centered marriage. The love, grace, and forgiveness displayed in a godly marriage can impact your family for generations.
• Show them Christ’s grace, even when they struggle or make mistakes. Love them for who they are, not just for their decisions. Unconditional love is essential. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
• Respect their boundaries. Allow them to make their own decisions and learn from them.
• Encourage rather than criticize. Speak words that build them up rather than tear them down. (Ephesians 4:29)
• Trust God’s plan for their lives. They have their own journey with Him, even if their path looks different from what you expected. (Romans 8:28)
• Embrace your new role as a supportive friend and mentor. Enjoy the relationship without the pressure of parenting young children.

Setting Healthy Boundaries
If you are still financially supporting your adult child, you may feel justified in maintaining control. However, consider whether your support is helping or hindering their growth into a godly, responsible adult. Healthy boundaries and clear expectations are important as your child transitions into independence. (Galatians 6:5)

With your spouse, prayerfully make decisions such as:
• When to stop covering certain expenses (e.g., car insurance, cell phone bills).
• What financial assistance you are willing to provide.
• How household rules will change as they mature.
Don’t wait until the last minute to communicate these decisions – doing so can lead to unnecessary tension (ask me how I know!).

A New Season of Parenting
In this stage, unconditional love, patience, and especially prayer become our greatest tools. By applying these principles, we can maintain a loving, Christ-centered relationship with our adult children while growing in our own faith. As parents and children alike step into new stages of life, may we trust that God is leading the way. 💕