A Bridled Tongue

“I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.” Psalm 39:1

Studies show men and women speak around 15,000 words a day depending on how talkative you are. (And let me point out recent studies have shown men and women say about the same amount of words a day!) That is almost 5.5 million words a year which is a lot of opportunities to say the wrong thing! However, that is also a lot of chances to speak words of love and encouragement.

There are well over 300 verses in God’s Word about the tongue or the mouth in relation to how we are to control it or how it controls us. Obviously, the little muscle residing in our mouth is hard to master! The third chapter of James is primarily devoted to the tongue. In fact, James 3:2 teaches if you can control your tongue, then you can control the body.

I feel it is safe to say we have ALL been hurt by someone’s words whether spoken to our face or behind our backs. Or maybe it’s something we told a friend in confidence that was not to be repeated but was. Do we forget that pain? Do we really lack such control of our tongues in wounding others? Because if we have all been hurt by words, why don’t we stop the cycle? Why don’t we decide we are not going to make others feel the way we have felt?

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”

Luke 6:45

Words don’t come out of our mouths accidentally. We say what we’re thinking and what lies in our heart.

Listed below are several ways we use our tongues to hurt, to sin.

Gossip

Not every thought needs to be put to words. Not every opinion or “piece of advice” needs to be shared. Even if the words are true, it doesn’t mean they should be said or repeated. When people start gossiping, the Bible says we should stop them (1 Peter 2:15).

A couple ideas of things to say when someone comes to you with the latest on the new employee at work or the church they used to attend or the next door neighbor…

• “Oh, I’m sorry to hear and know that. Let’s make sure no one else knows. I’m not going to tell anyone. How about you?”
• “Well, have you been to that person to try to help? How about since you shared the information with me, we go to that person to see if we can help?”

A simple powerful truth is if we love the Lord, love His Word, and love one another (like He commanded), then we will not want to gossip. Plain and simple.

Flattery

Flattery is not praise, and praise is not flattery. Praise is a way to encourage someone. Flattery is usually used for people pleasing (Galatians 1:10) and to butter someone up, maybe even to manipulate a situation to have an outcome they desire (some salespeople do this).

When someone is flattering you, they are telling you something they would not say behind your back. Praise and gratitude go hand-in-hand as does flattery and ingratiation. Make sure your words are appreciation and not adulation.

Boasting

“The next time you’re tempted to boast, just say under your breath, ‘It’s not about me.’ Say it a dozen times a day. Say it a thousand times a month. Say it when you wake up and when you go to sleep. Say it again and again: ‘It’s not about me. It’s not about me.’ Say it when you bless a meal or do something wonderful or selfless or when you help hurting people. Make it your anthem and your prayer. When we keep track of the good we’ve done or love people with an agenda, it’s no longer love…We can either keep track of all the good we’ve done or all the good God’s done. Only one will really matter to us. In the end, none of us wants to find out we traded the big life Jesus talked about for a box full of worthless acknowledgement.”

Bob Goff, “Everybody, Always”

As a parent, I know boasting, aka, bragging, can be easy to do. And occasionally it is acceptable, because we do have friends and family who are interested in our children. However, you need to think about how much you are talking about your child’s accomplishments or successes (or even failures). This can go for your spouse, your career, your hobbies…really, anything that makes you feel proud (a post on pride in the future!).

“Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.”

Proverbs 27:2

Let us make sure any bragging we do is about God – how much He has blessed our lives and how loving He is to send His Son to die for us! Always give Him glory! 💚

Sharp Tongue

“Sticks and stones will break my bones…” We all know how that old adage ends, and we all know it is not true. Words do hurt. Indeed, they can haunt you the rest of your life. “You are ugly!” “Can’t you do any better?” “You are fat!” People can be mean plain and simple.

The sad thing is very often the people we love the most are the ones we hurt the most with our words. *raising my hand* If any of you have had teenagers (or a five year old), then you know tone of voice can completely change the way words are received.

Controlling the tongue has been an issue from the beginning of mankind. Adam blamed Eve, and she blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:12-13). Cain accused Able. And from there on, story upon story in the Bible shows how others used their tongues to complain and lie and condemn and slander and criticize.

So how should we use our tongue?

Trustworthy

Are you trustworthy? If someone tells you confidential information, but you know how so-in-so would love to know what you know, do you tell them? Or when you are told something in confidence – whether you were told to share it or not – do you have the integrity to keep it to yourself?

“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.”

Proverbs 26:20

If this is an area in which you struggle, then ask the Lord to help you. You may also find you need to ask forgiveness of God and a friend.

Speaking Words of Life

Every day we have opportunities to use our words whether it’s on a phone call, face-to-face with the clerk at the grocery store, a co-worker, a child or spouse, or even if you are texting or messaging someone. We can choose words that defend others, uplift and encourage others, and impart the eternal life-giving Gospel.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Proverbs 18:21a

We must remember as believers we are representing Him. We become the voice of Jesus Christ for many (2 Corinthians 3:2). Our words are powerful. Our words can make a lasting impact on a single soul. Our words have consequences. Our words reveal what is in our hearts!

Don’t let your guard down. The enemy is looking for a moment of vulnerability. Stay strong in truth in how you think and therefore, how you speak (Proverbs 8:7). Make sure you are speaking words of life and not destruction. Let us bridle our tongues and show God’s love in our words. 💕